i'm trying to re-invent myself. again i guess. i thought i was this whole rawknray persona. punk girl tomboy with a flirty side. well only half is still true. i just feel i've grown so much more than is visible and i have a hard time trying to get any of it to make sense.
it's all a bunch of questions, static channels, and glass bottoms. i feel i have so many sides, so many that i want to be able to express, and in what better medium than art. i mean c'mon. ahh sometimes i just feel like i have this electric monkey on my shoulder. should i hand draw it? should i illustrate it? should i paint it? how do i do those things? what am i going to put down on the paper?


nothing makes sense.
everyone else likes to tell me what's wrong with me.
i see it. i do.
that's not the point.
i really wish i had a movie screen on my forehead so more could explain it to me.

i've been called skitzo. yeah. i don't know why. am i? doubt it.
it's when you don't know that you're going crazy that you are.
i never took drugs when i was young. music was my drug. i'd sit in front of my stereo indian style, with my oversized kenwoods on listening to pink floyd with my eyes closed. what i've described to some in the past what i actually come up with in my head while listening has been compared to heroin, acid, or shroom trips, or the combination. i don't know why people think it's wierd. don't you see anything when you close your eyes besides darkness?
i used to like to compare my head to those hollogram rooms on star trek.
one small room, but you could get lost in a desert.
i guess im just trying to find my oasis.